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I would do anything for love...but I won't do that.
One thing about working with adults is that I see a lot of people in relationships that I find distressing. I have one woman in an actively emotionally abusive relationship, that she knows is abusive, at least some of the time, and resents all the time, but can't bring herself to leave. Several others are in relationships where they can't identify a single specific thing about the other person or the relationship that they actually like, although most of them then add "I mean, I love him...."
(Or her. All but one of my clients who are in committed relationships are in heterosexual ones, and I have more female clients than male; the male clients I have are mostly schizo-affective to the point where it's difficult for me to assess whether they have cognitive impairments or not, with PTSD and long history of substance use. So they're often too disorganized and pressured to want to work on relationships. Not all, though.)
In almost every case, one of the main reasons my clients in abusive or just non-working relationships don't seriously think about leaving is that they have nowhere to go. That sucks, but it's not inaccurate. They are often women who have been homeless at one point and aren't ready to go back to it. Shelter space isn't guaranteed and isn't attractive when you already have a roof over your head. They don't have family or friends they could move in with, they have very limited incomes, they know how long the wait is to get into subsidized housing, and they have no illusions about what their alternatives are.
That, of course, upsets me. But what bothers me about a lot of specific cases is that the person had subsidized housing of their own, and gave it up in order to go live with their SO's as a demonstration of caring. Now they can't easily get it back, and they're bitter and angry at themselves for having agreed to do it. And I purely hate that I live in a society where so many people - male or female - think it's acceptable to demand that someone give up such a crucial piece of their own security, and so many people feel like it's an acceptable demand to be placed on them. I think it is predominately women who are giving up their housing, but I'd be just as angry and sad if it weren't.
(Or her. All but one of my clients who are in committed relationships are in heterosexual ones, and I have more female clients than male; the male clients I have are mostly schizo-affective to the point where it's difficult for me to assess whether they have cognitive impairments or not, with PTSD and long history of substance use. So they're often too disorganized and pressured to want to work on relationships. Not all, though.)
In almost every case, one of the main reasons my clients in abusive or just non-working relationships don't seriously think about leaving is that they have nowhere to go. That sucks, but it's not inaccurate. They are often women who have been homeless at one point and aren't ready to go back to it. Shelter space isn't guaranteed and isn't attractive when you already have a roof over your head. They don't have family or friends they could move in with, they have very limited incomes, they know how long the wait is to get into subsidized housing, and they have no illusions about what their alternatives are.
That, of course, upsets me. But what bothers me about a lot of specific cases is that the person had subsidized housing of their own, and gave it up in order to go live with their SO's as a demonstration of caring. Now they can't easily get it back, and they're bitter and angry at themselves for having agreed to do it. And I purely hate that I live in a society where so many people - male or female - think it's acceptable to demand that someone give up such a crucial piece of their own security, and so many people feel like it's an acceptable demand to be placed on them. I think it is predominately women who are giving up their housing, but I'd be just as angry and sad if it weren't.