an appropriate terror

[callunav]

It's starting to sink in that this terrifying free-fall sensation of never being exactly sure what the hell I'm doing may actually not be a product of my being relatively new in my profession, but rather inherent in the job.

Gah. People trust me with their pain, their anger, their confusion, their desperation and their ambition, their children, and I'm just going to sit here and, y'know, do my best?

I'm pretty sure that the answer is yes, and the reason for the answer is that I'm not the one doing the work.

I get that. I really do. I'm astonished and deeply honored that people allow me to be present as they struggle through some of the most intense or important parts of their lives. I'm constantly impressed and moved by the work people do, and I - there's that phrase again - do my best to offer a good container/environment/backboard for them while they do it.

But at the same time, I feel like I'm flying blind, and I keep wondering what idiot thought it was a good idea to let me try it. I suppose that if I ever feel totally confident, that will be the time I ought to worry.

Gah.

Comments

[julian]

If nothing else, I do love your titles. (But other things, too.)

[callunav]

Hee. Thank you.